My husband Dean recently purchased a motorcycle. It’s a 1972 Honda CB350 Bobber. Not sure how cool that is considering I know nothing about motorcycles.
(My husband Dean on his motorcycle at the shop, Sept 2013)
The truth is, the fact that my husband whom I love deeply is going to be commuting on a motorcycle by next Spring makes me very nervous. I have witnessed with my own eyes horrifying accidents involving motorcycles…once on the 405 freeway in Los Angeles, another on a busy intersection (also in LA). Both times the person riding the motorcycle was thrown off and badly hurt. I am not sure what the fate of these two motorcyclist were but it’s pretty clear to me that motorcycles are extremely dangerous modes of transportation.
Since I first met Dean, I knew he had this passion for motorcycles. It didn’t bother me at the time really because….well, I was a bit more free-spirited and adventurous back then.
My fear is that I will be constantly overwhelmed with worry every time he goes for a ride. That I will be visualizing the worst case scenario and that these mental images will consume me. But now, even as I write this, I am beginning to wonder…..since when have I become such a worry wart? Did it come with age? Did it come with the fact that as an adult I have more responsibility, or maybe it happened after I married a man who in many ways throws caution to the wind? I was never like this before? My mother worried about me a lot, and she still does. Have I turned into a worrying mother without actually being a mother?
The truth is, I have no control over my husbands fate, or the fate of anyone else I care for in my life. Every time he walks out the door, there is a possibility that he won’t return. Yes, it sounds very morbid, and it’s not something I’ve necessarily thought about until now, but it’s the truth. My fear of him crashing and getting severely injured is an issue that goes far deeper than his recent motorcycle purchase.
This is about my need to be in control; to always need to know the outcome of things. Until I am able to fully understand that I do not have control of his or anyone else’s fate, I will always be tormented with worry…..and this is no way to live.
I choose to be free-spirited and adventurous again. I choose to embrace and support my husband’s hobbies and passions. And I will take this as a lesson to be less inhibited in my own life and take more chances. I will worry less and live more. And I will appreciate every single moment, because when it comes down to it, I have no control. I will never really know what will happen next year, next week or in the next minute.
So in the next few months, as Dean prepares for his first ride, I will work on being more open-minded, present and happy; however I WILL make sure he buys proper motorcycle gear, which to him may look something like this……..
But to me would probably look more like this……..
And just for fun, a few cool motorcycle photos….because as nervous as they make me, I have to admit, they are pretty cool.